鄰家的大哥哥

長大真的是樣好神奇的事。

最近星期六早上出門，不時都撞上鄰家的大哥哥。(那家人其實有兩個兒子，但大大哥哥是不會和人打招呼的... 他弟，即大哥哥就會。另外他們媽媽亦好友善，而那爸爸則以為我是妹妹、我妹是我姊)

神奇的地方是，那大哥哥曾經送過我一個電話。er... 當然不會是真的電話，而是個玩具電話——粉藍色、大哥大那種舊式手提電話。根據我媽所講，那時還是個寶寶的我，在台曬太陽，而當時還是個小男孩的大哥哥在家看到我，於是和他媽媽說要送個玩具給妹妹我。

好可愛。是日劇情節的氣氛。

完。

後話：小時候我妹也好喜歡那電話的，會「sip 」喺褲頭，在家行來行去。現在那玩具大概在堆填區和我們逝去的童年一同發臭

平行宇宙

搭地鐵返學，唔想睇書，今個月嘅data 又就爆(嗚…)，最好開evernote 打字。

我記得有d 嘢想記低喎，係咩呢係咩呢...? 唔記得添... um... um... 真係唔記得。(咁又一段)

最近葵芳開咗sixty eight。多人到痴線。但真的，這品牌呢，d 衫褲呢，無論裡裡外外的都好靚 (monkey covering eyes)。而且重點，真的不貴。good *v* 又，我發現最好在早上去，否則排fitting 定cashier 都排到痴線。又又，通常d 人會說女人比較有耐性，我極度懷疑係因為排fitting /俾錢/廁所練返嚟。

我記得自己之前想寫咩喇。發夢吖。

有時在想，夢境可能係alternate universe。我發夢發得咁仔細，瞓醒仲記得咁清楚，好明顯我透過瞓覺同其他時空connect 咗，由自己本身存在嘅空間，去到其他空間完成各式各樣嘅任務。日頭我係平凡嘅學生，夜晚就穿梭不同的空間，打zombies /猩猩等。其他人通常都唔記得自己發過咩夢，因為你地連接唔到其他空間的磁場。哼我幾勁 :D 日頭要讀書，夜晚仲要拯救其他世界，真係好忙。

但根據我的觀察，我嘅戰鬥力應該唔高 lol 因為前晚打zombies , 我執咗把槍，但一開始唔識用，打死咗個自己友。嗚… 對唔住。通常我喺夢入面都係跑嚟跑去，好會躲，在觀察四周圍情況，那應該是情報人員之類的角色。

有d 人發夢會見到平日的自己，或以前的自己。可能佢地不可以穿梭空間，但就可以穿越時間。呢個能力我就無lu

到大學站lu , 吹完水lu。我真係好低b :D 

Cut to the chase and pornography

Some thoughts after having today literature and education lecture. We did not exactly discuss sex of course, but the word Pornography from the note stands out so much to me and really catch my thought...

On one hand it is understandable for one saying that viewing pornography is to fulfill his/her physical impulses. This sounds scientific and reasonable given one may argue this is part of human inborn desire. And he/she may even defend by asking why one has to relinquish this possibility of fulfilling the sexual desire while technology/society/individual morality allows or tolerates.

Furthermore, consider some people point out that, like some girls watch Korean dramas so as to let their imagination goes wild, projecting themselves as the protagonist who is wooed, proposed by and married to a handsome, sweet and rich gentleman. Isnt this just another form of fancy? Just that girls are fancying romance and boys are fancying sex. Really, I read this argument on the paper some months ago and has found it quite convincing, even now.

We desire to be loved and care and desire to have sex, and these are so normal and so human, and that is why I often find difficulty to explain, as a girl, why I feel pornography is so unsettling and not entirely convincing to me. Why on one hand I understand the urges are so natural and normal but at the same time find ones resorting to pornography a bit dirty and emotionally wrong? Yes I would not say viewing pornography is morally wrong because in this way, it will seem that I am arguing from a religious prospective. To be honest, I lack sufficient relevant knowledge and a logical framework to argue this issue from any rational perspective. All I say here is simply from a very subjective and emotional point of view.

Well, it is like one can actually ease his/her urges by oneself, by the lady in the video, or even by anyone else. Then what is the difference/ the clear cut between doing it with someone you love and with the stranger on screen? What is the fundamental value and purpose of sex? Is sex just a mere physical urge and need to be satisfied anyhow? In the course, we often discuss the concept of fuzzy boundaries, and of transgressing boundaries. These push me to think, as in the case of sexual desire: where is the line?

Following Professors logic, things can be of binary opposition, and there is a clear cut between them from the very very beginning. Black and white. But as we loosen the boundary, for example, fancying someone in a dirty way in your mind is now ok, then how about watching someone on the mtr in a dirty way ? How about reading naked photos online? How about watching AV? How about visiting prostitutes? How about having a lousy sex life? How about having multiple partners? If one sees having two partners is acceptable, how about three? four? Once the line is transgressed, we are forced onto this slippery slope (which is a logical device in Chinese 滑波理論). The black and white colours mix and grey is left. And you can never undo the mixing and go back to black and white. Of course as one can logically defend that the little transgression does not necessarily lead to such a huge discrepancy between the so called good and bad. Someone who fancies dirty dream does not necessarily go to prostitutes. This is true, and again I am no way a kind of person with very strict logical thinking. Yet what I try to say is, when you think one is ok and it is always hard to tell why the next stage is not ok. Someone may do that but I cant exactly.

All the above thoughts are not entirely new ideas coming to me from the lecture. In fact I have been thinking these questions, as a female, long. But of course Evelyn's lecture somehow inspires me to put these thoughts in a more organised manner.

Again I have to state and even admit that I am not entirely anti-pornography. They have their own value, though I cannot name any apart from some embarrassing ones. I know people need them, and viewing pornography or not should have no entailment of their personality, for sure.

Just emotionally troubling, though. um... worth thinking.